2016 has arrived! I’m not really sure how I feel about 2015 – it wasn’t actively terrible (in fact at times it was great!) but I wouldn’t classify it as a positive year either. I’m definitely conflicted about it and am generally glad it’s over.
I spent basically all year saying how unhappy I was at work and how I needed a new job. When looking through my journal I kept seeing those sentiments popping up in my entries throughout the year every month or so, but never did anything about it. This affected my moods more than I like to admit, so I spent most of the year unhappy, anxious and slightly depressed. This isn’t the best way to live – my friends can all vouch for how much I complained whenever we met up and socialised. Sorry about that, guys!
But 2015 wasn’t all bad. In May Ben and I went on a holiday to Japan, which we have been talking about doing for about 7 years but never managed to get ourselves organised before. I’m so glad I had the work and financial stability to be able to take this trip, it has been on my to do list for so long! Now all I want to do is keep travelling and see more of the world. This was for sure the absolute highlight of 2015 and memories of that trip helped keep my spirits up when feeling down throughout the rest of the year.
2015 was also the year I started seriously focussing on my health – both physical and mental. I went to the gym consistently, working with a personal trainer on strength training, where we managed to get me strong enough to deadlift 70kg! I also started running regularly and felt less likely to die while doing physical exercise. Coupled with that I saw a therapist regularly and worked on my anxiety. I went off my anxiety medication (and didn’t have a breakdown in the process) and started feeling better and more confident about myself. I’m starting to feel more like a responsible adult and less like a child playing dress ups in their parents’ clothes. It’s still a definite work in progress, but I can tell how much I’ve changed over the year.
At the end of November I lost my job, so that was a terrifying way to end the year, but it was also a massive weight off my shoulders. It was the push I needed to actively look for a job at a place where I won’t feel embarrassed when talking about it. Now if only I knew what kind of job I wanted…
So 2016 is full of raw, untapped, potential. I’m not making any big grand resolutions that I ultimately don’t end up fulfilling – I am at the point in my life where I know my personality well enough to know that is not the way to go about it. Instead I’m making smaller, achievable, goals that will combine into something bigger. I’m hoping that this year I will make less excuses when it comes to things I have decided were “too hard” last year. I am going to try and be more creative and proactive when it comes to pushing myself and learning new things. I think the main thing is that I’m not going to put so much pressure on myself – I’m going to try things and if they don’t turn out perfect that’s not the end of the world. That’s probably the most important lesson I need to learn.
So here’s to 2016, hopefully a more exciting year than 2015, if nothing else!